BLAAAAA BLAAAAA WORLD

OK now I'm really pissed!!!! Stupid blogger will not allow me to up load pics!!!!! Had a bastard of a weekend, work stunk today!!!! And to top it off my dog is a muderer. I came home to a little field mouse covered in drool, with Benson looking at me like "why won't he play anymore?" Seriously I'm ready to crack. It seems to me that I always have to be the person to listen patiently, while everyone else around me goes insane!!!! Go ahead people I'm a human fucking toilet. I never need to unload! NEWS FLASH I'm just as human as all of you. The only difference being I can step back from my stress and listen and validate when others need a shoulder. I just don't WAIT for my turn to speak. I listen and try to be sympathetic. I cannot afford to be apathetic, it's not me. Oh and by the way the next time you feel like you need somebody to sort out a domestic dispute involving violence CALL THE POLICE. That is not what a friend is or supposed to be. I don't want to see it, be a part of it or referee the damn thing. The truth be told (and I did tell it) if things have come to this then you both need to stop worrying about who is right or wrong and TALK about what you need to fix it. I have worked with toooooooo many children that have lived with this shit because "we need to stay together for the kids" belief it or not you don't have to be screaming at each other for them to know that something is wrong. Nothing in this world worth having comes without some kind of fight. But there comes a time to say enough is enough. People always talk about falling in love. What about falling out of love?Bottom line to all this is if you are not sure.....Keep it in your fucking pants. This goes for the boys and the girls. Because a young life needs guidance, structure and love. There is no blueprint for it. Hell most kids with 2 biological parents at home are a vast minority! They adapt, they roll with the punches, they are infant mammals that is what they have done for a millennia. But when you convince yourself of a lie you are not convincing them they are watching and learning. And when you have a young mind that is like play dough you are leaving a print. A print that over time will harden and become a piece of them. Regardless of how many times you try to smooth it over it will never be as it once was. I am not perfect far from it. I was scared to death of my wife (still am a little) because she loved me. To a man this is weird. We are not used to talking unless 1 of 2 this is happening. 1: guys only really talk about anything of consequence if they are doing something. Video games, walking on the golf course, playing hoops, hockey or some kind of physical activity. Or 2: They are drinking. Why this is I'll never know but it's just as much a part of my makeup as it is any males. And that old thing about being truly interested in what your partner is interested in....Look I think in some magical fantasy world a woman sitting down being geared up for "the big game" would be cool. I would then have to be equally interested in how she believes her breasts look the best just before her period. Lets face it I could not be objective at this point. If one popped out and hit the floor I'd still try to bang my face against it like a moth at a porch lite. People get caught up in the little stuff and when they do not communicate effectively, those little thing become huge. How many things did you find "attractively quirky" about your partner before you lived with them? Find that spark again, there are no other 2 people that know eachother as well as you do. Because at the end of it all when you have a really bad day don't you just wish that person was there? The one that knows you routinely wear the same undies all weekend? That you would rather wear flannel jammies instead of a corset and stockings? The one you can actually fart in front of? That is your real home. Those arms, that warmth, that safe spot.....Home. My heart aches. I know I can't fix everything, but please God I NEED A REST.

(I realize this was a rambling but hey when it's gotta come out....)

Davey